Fight, Flight, Freeze, Fawn: How They May Look in Your Child + Supportive Tips

This month, I wanted to stay on the theme of Fight, Flight, Freeze responses, and also add in the Fawn response. Below, you will find out more about what is going on in the body from a neurological and physiological standpoint, and learn new ways to handle these common responses. 

You have probably heard about the Fight, Flight, Freeze and Fawn reactions; our popular culture has had increasing awareness of these reactions in recent years. Let’s go ahead and break down a few things, including, what causes these reactions, the breakdown of the stress response, and how to help your child when they are stuck.

What causes these reactions?

These reactions occur in a split second; they are reflexive. They are not thought out, plotted out, or conceived. The responses are ingrained in us to help keep us safe when we are in danger. The stress response happens when we experience an environmental threat (like a car driving fast as you are crossing the street, a person or animal threatening harm) or an internal threat (a past memory of harm or abuse or even the threat of it–think PTSD).

Sometimes, we notice that our children have a very strong inclination to having these responses frequently, in extreme expressions, or both. They may come from trauma (“Big T”: separation/divorce of parents, car accident/extreme injury, a death of a loved one or pet, abuse, neglect–or even “Little T”: brief separation from a parent, change in friend group, bike accident, change in school or class, or a move). The trauma may be from infancy or early childhood; we hold trauma in every cell of our bodies. 

Additionally, we live in our modern day, with too little time outside, too many screens, and too many processed foods. We (generally speaking) are set up for a heightened stress response with fewer foundational elements that support us. 

What’s more, Epigenetics points to the idea that we can carry the stress responses of 10 generations (yes, that’s right) in our DNA. We are literally born wired to have strong responses, and then we get a helping of our own personal experiences.

Breakdown of the Stress Response

A series of things happen very quickly, before one is even conscious of what is happening:

• Amygdala (alarm bell in the brain) gets triggered and communicates to the Hypothalamus 
• Hypothalamus (in the brain) signals the Autonomic Nervous System–specifically the Sympathetic System
• Sympathetic System acts like the GAS pedal
• Hypothalamus releases Epinephrine (Adrenaline) into the bloodstream, which releases more glucose into the bloodstream for the organs for quick energy, increases blood pressure and heart rate, suppresses appetite, and stimulates lung capacity
• Prefrontal Cortex (executive “thinking” part of brain) becomes inhibited

The specific responses are varied. Your child can experience Fight, Flight, Freeze, or Fawn. Or a combination. Let’s break down the response and what it may look like:

Fight

The fight reaction can include physical fighting. Think of a “meltdown”. Your child may hit another person (including you), or react with strong physicality. If they are not reacting physically, they may threat to; and it may include screaming, yelling, becoming destructive with things in their physical environment. When a child is in this response, they engage with others; they are looking for engagement. A smaller presentation of this response is being argumentative. The Fight response involves the Moro primitive reflex.

If a child is escalated into this reaction, it is best to give them space to ride it out; while setting boundaries to help keep themself, yourself, and any others safe. Offer alternatives for them to punch or slam a pillow down, or to try to pull apart a towel with their hands. Muscle engagement helps. Try to not escalate to match them; even though they may want that. Hugs help to integrate the Moro response.

Flight

The Flight reaction includes trying to escape, avoid, or run away from a situation. It may involve literal running away, wanting to escape into their bedroom, or even wanting to hide. This reaction usually indicates that the child needs alone time, or wants to be by themselves. A smaller presentation of this response is avoidance. The Flight response also involves the Moro primitive reflex. 

If a child is escalated into this reaction, you will need to make sure that they are safe, first and foremost. If this happens in shops or out in public, your child may endanger themselves. If it happens in the home, let your child know that you understand that they need space. Give it to them so that they can try to self-regulate, and let them know you understand what they are feeling. Check back in and let them know you are there for them when they are ready. Again, the use of hugs is great here, to integrate the Moro.

Freeze

The Freeze reaction includes a literal freeze: no movement, their eyes become wide, and they hold their breath. Children experiencing Freeze (one of the most primitive reflexes–it’s an intrauterine response) typically have a hard time separating from parents to go to school, social events, or appointments. They may want to sleep in your bed, and not want to be alone. They may avoid sleepovers as they get older. A smaller presentation of this response can be challenges starting new things, or not being able to address things–a stronger form of avoidance. The Freeze response involves the Fear Paralysis primitive reflex.

If a child is experiencing a frequent Freeze response, they need to know that they are loved. They need the attention and love that they are craving. Rhythmic body and facial tapping, massage, and rhythmic rocking can be supportive. Deep breathing exercises are very important for this, as shallow breathing keeps us in the Sympathetic Nervous System state. Set aside screen free (parents, you too) quality time to play with your child each day. 

Fawn

The Fawn reaction includes when a child is always checking in to make sure another person (who has become upset)’s needs are being met–over their own. This is usually a result of some kind of trauma. The child fears the response of others greatly, and tries to make sure that the others’ needs are taken care of over their own. 

If a child is experiencing a Fawn response, you can coach them on how to advocate for themselves. This response may also indicate a need for psychological support through a counselor or play therapist. 

More Ways to Help

• MOVE! If your child is having stress, help them to regulate with movement. The stress hormones need you to move them out. Take a walk with your child, get outside, get on swings, go for a bike ride, play on a trampoline.
• LABEL THEIR FEELINGS FIRST! As parents, we often try to rush to the solution, without honoring the feelings that need to be expressed. Show them that you see, hear, and understand their fears, worries, anger, frustration, and just BE with that for a few moments. 
• BREAK THE LOOP!  If your child is stuck in a loop (kind of like a broken record) and AFTER you have acknowledged their feelings, bring in a distraction (“Hey, did you see that bird?!”, or “Who did you eat lunch with today?” or even “What color are your socks?”). The distraction will bring them back up to the Prefrontal Cortex (which has become inhibited in stress). It will sometimes be enough to help them to move on, and if not, they may be more available to solutions. 
• OFFER LIMITED CHOICES FOR SOLUTIONS! Don’t overwhelm your already overwhelmed child with open ended questions or limitless choices in times of stress. Favor “Would you like alone time, or do you need me with you now?” instead of “What do you need?”. 
• SEEK SUPPORT! If you are feeling in over your head, and your child is really struggling, make sure to get support from an OT or person trained in primitive reflex integration. If trauma is suspected or known, make sure that your child has access to psychological support such as counseling or play therapy. 

If you are curious about how you can help yourself, with more information about how to handle this as an adult, please use this link to look at my blog post on adult stress responses on The Energetic Heart website.