Are “Sensory” and Neurodiverse Children Empathic?

This is currently a question that people are getting more and more curious about. What if sensory sensitivities are also linked to empathic abilities? Let’s first define the word empath. Oxford Languages defines it as “a person with the ability to perceive the mental or emotional state of another individual.” As a highly sensitive (including sensory sensitive) person, I have experienced this first hand. But it is important to note that, for most of my life, I thought that was I was feeling was entirely my own. This could range from physical symptoms, to moods that suddenly appeared. 

After becoming a mother, my empathic and intuitive abilities became very strong (I believe that this is more common than most would know), after having “turned them off” for over a decade to complete studies, and begin my career. When this occurred, I had been working with children for about 8 years as a therapist. I suddenly became curious about the sensory sensitive children I was working with. Could they too, be empathic like I am?

It is not secret that part of the presentation of neurodiversity–especially ADHD–comes with a lot of emotional dysregulation. These children (and adults) are deep feeling individuals. I have witnessed many children with sensory sensitivities have powerful emotional outbursts, sometimes referred to as “meltdowns”, that can be high in frequency, duration, or both. Sometimes these sensitive children even seem to become the “emoters” of–and for–the family: when the adults or older siblings are avoiding or otherwise unable to process their own emotions, for any number of reasons.

I often think of people with sensory sensitivities and  neurodiversity (especially ADHD) as having huge antennae, that connect them to others, events, and more. I have seen these children seem to intuit/name/feel deeply what a peer is thinking, what they are feeling. I have witnessed children becoming overly concerned with how peers are feeling, especially if they are having a hard time–both in classrooms and in the therapy gym. This can, of course, extend to the home environment, with this playing out with family members as well. In my experience as a neurodiverse person, having biological neurodiverse children, and working with neurodiversity since 1997 is that many of these sensitive children seem to have heightened empathic ability. . 

So, how can we help support our sensitive children who are empathic?

1. Provide plenty of opportunities to release stored emotion. This can include physical outlets, (such as sports and free play–especially play that engage a lot of muscle work), talking about feelings, journaling or creating art to release the emotions. 
2. Ask: “Does this feeling belong to you, or someone else?” Your child might surprise you with an answer. If they don’t know, it’s OK. You can invite them to “Let any feeling that does not belong to you, leave your body.” (As an adult, I use “Return to sender with consciousness.”)
3. Create cozy corners, and safe spaces at home. I recommend creating a safe space in the main part of the house, as sometimes children want to be close to family when they are having a hard time. A safe space is NOT a time out. It’s a place to go to have some space to process intense feelings. 
4. Time in nature. Getting outdoor play, going to the parks, hiking, etc. Nature is a great way for our children to ground their energy, release stored emotions, and be soothed. The natural elements are extremely healing, and supportive to our nervous system. 
5. Clean water, clean food, sleep. This can be tricky for sensitive children. If your child has food avoidance or ARFID, you can try supplements to enhance their nutritional content. If they have sleep issues, limit screens, get a lot of physical input in the day, and consult with your therapist to help you create strategies and learn techniques for improved sleep and help with picky eating. 

Things are intense for our deep feelers, our sensitive and neurodiverse children, our empaths. The sooner that you can identify and support your children, the better. Sometimes, when a parent/caregiver opens up about the possibility of their child being empathic, the children will just begin to share their experiences, unprompted. I have experienced this multiple times. Get curious, and see what happens.